What to do when you’re Single
Today is Valentines day and I feel the subtle “inggit” (envy) of singles out there who do not have someone to date. Just so you know, I’ve been there and I did a lot of things to keep me away from longing for something (or someone) I do not have.
Most of you have already encountered my book, Missing, and perhaps are wondering “So what will I do while I am single?” I did mention that in the last chapter but did not elaborate too much as I am reserving the details for the sequel, “Wanted.” — like if you really really think you desire to get married. But I’ll list a few things here coz I want to let you know what I did to enjoy where I’m at. Here are some of them, based on my memory.
1. Nurture relationships. Like I said in my book, there’s more to life than falling in love with a guy. Having said that, it also means a guy relationship is not the only relationship you can have. Right now there’s an existing relationship with your family and friends. So make the most out of it. Today’s celebration is not just about a man woman relationship. It’s also about family. So enjoy the date with them today. Back then, I used to celebrate Valentines day with a couple of girl friends who were also single. We enjoyed the time, the laughter, and our similar journeys of singleness. Don’t sulk today. There’s a lot of relationships to celebrate about!
2. Live right now for your future spouse and children. Write letters to your future spouse. Doing this helped me get through the longings of my heart. I wrote him when I was longing for him. I told him that I was preserving my purity for him. It’s hard but I have to because It’s the greatest gift I can give him. I wrote to God about him. I kept all these letters and prayers in a box and always prayed to God about the “unknown him.” I strongly desired to get married so I really asked God in faith that someday I have someone to give that box of letters to. Jot about your dream wedding if you may (I did, and most of the ideas on our wedding day came from those notes). Think of your future family always. Think about the decisions you will do today. Will these actions give you a better future or a ruined family? Someone said your present defines your future. So if you want to get married someday and have a stable family, do somethings that will lead you closer to that goal.
3. Practice housework & budgeting. Believe it or not, responsibility has a huge role in keeping a marriage intact and joyful. So while you are single, try to practice cooking, washing the laundry, budgeting your money (buy only what you need), cleaning the house, taking care of kids. I did practice a lot, especially in cooking, which caused a handsome stranger to fall in love with me and court me (and I married him soon). You’ll never know where these preparations will take you. I was told in my Screenwriting class that an interesting character should be introduced doing something. So get your hands busy practicing. YOu’ll see how interesting you become.
4. Get busy with God’s work. This might be a cliche for most of you but the Bible says so “Seek Him first…. and all these things will be added to you.” So get yourself busy with God-work first. He has a special assignment for singles that cannot be met by married people because they have more responsibilities to do. So while you have lesser responsibilities, go for God. This was a precious time for me when I was single. I went to places and told about God and it was awesome to meet friends from different places. I knew that if I was going to get married, then I should do what I could as long as I was single. So grab the time to be involved in God’s work.
The other thing about that is that you should stop looking for a suitable partner. Just be present in the right places. You want to meet the right partner? Then be present in places where you will most likely see that kind of person. If you want a growing Christian, then by all means, be present in events where you may be able to meet that kind of person. Be careful to check your motives though. If you mean to do good works for God, do it for God, not to show off to some potential spouse. Ask God to guard your heart about it too.
5. Have a checklist. It will be helpful to know what are you looking for exactly in a guy/girl you want to marry? List them down and ask God for guidance on this area. Ask Him what He wants you to have for a partner and if He really is leading you to one or is He planning for you to be single. I have a brief checklist in mind, thanks to the guys I have in the family that inspired me to want a guy like them. It became my guide to saying no to suitors and saying yes to the guy who has these characteristics. My husband on the otherhand also had a (longer) checklist. It prevented him from courting just any woman. It became his guide to confirming that I am the woman God prepared for him. So write it down!
6. Be the person in your checklist. The reality is this: you cannot attract the person in your checklist unless you become that person. You want a responsible partner? THen be responsible. You want a handsome man? Then be beautiful. You want a dedicated Christian. Then be a dedicated Christian. The other way goes the same. You attract what you are. SO be careful to be who you want to have.
God did not grant me the guy I wanted until I learned to become that person responsible to sustain the blessing that He prepared for me.
7. Love God first. You may have heard this a lot of times. But it’s timeless and so true. The Bible says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desire.” (Ps. 37:4) So pour all your heart to God and love Him first. At the beginning it was a struggle for me. I “delighted” just for the sake of ritual. But later on I learned that delighting means giving my all for HIm… as if He is my only obsession. That’s how it should be. I know it sounds ironic. But it’s worth it. Let go of everything that you hold on to for the experience of God, then you will see how everything you are holding on to is nothing compared to the love story He has with you. Delight in Him. No, I’m not saying your longings will vanish. THey will be there. But let your relationship with God supersede all these longings. You will see how His love will give you the “bonus” love life you may be longing, if He wills. If not, He will sustain you with His love for the rest of your days.
I may have missed somethings here since I’m typing and posting right away. But do let me know your thoughts. If you also find this post helpful, please share it with your friends. You can read more about making the most out of your singleness in my book, Missing. Also, this radio interview (of me and my husband) may inspire you to keep waiting on the Lord.
By: Faye Villanueva-Chelabian